You think you’re better than me. Don’t you?

I hate that question.

I hate when people accuse me of being conceited or vain or self- centered, you know? All implications that somehow I think I’m better than somebody else.

And you know what’s worse? My own mother asked me that very question that I hate.

You know when I was completely geeky and insecure and didn’t like myself enough to dress like I gave a crap about how I looked, no one ever asked me “do you think you’re better than me?” No one accused me of being conceited or self- centered. But the second that I put away those Mary Kate & Ashley Olsen glasses, got an ounce of confidence, and some insight into the wonderful, successful life that I wanted (and still want) then comes the accusations of conceit and self- centered- ness, etc. I’m telling you, I never got that when I was Miss Hiding Behind My Glasses. But now? Oh, the second this boy liked me, my friends told me I was self- centered. I’m looking in the mirror and some boy accuses me of being conceited. It takes me a little longer to get ready in the morning because I have this mental complex that if I don’t brush my teeth twice, my mouth isn’t clean, so I’m vain. Gosh. Thank you people. Thank you so much  for you wonderful compliments. I really want to this be vain, self- centered, and conceited person. But you could be thinking, “well with your make- over and new found confidence, maybe you did start to think differently about other people.” (Buzzer goes off) Eh. Wrong. I have never looked at someone and thought that I was better than them. I have never judged someone based on how pretty they were.

So, I’m taking an art class right, and we have this self- portrait due. And let me tell you that drawing yourself is really hard and frustrating. It’s a lot more pressure because it’s your face and it would really be a damn shame if you couldn’t draw your own face. For the first time in my life, in doing this project, I am tired of my own face. Anyway, I was working on the project in the living room and my wide range of pencils and art supplies are on the floor (which is carpet, but I don’t think I’ve ever stained with my art supplies). Apparently, my mother has asked me not to do that which I don’t remember, but I could see why and how that is possible. So my mother gets upset with me and demands that I get my pencils and clean up her living room (notice I mentioned that she said her). And she tells me that I’m disrespectful- that I’m disrespectful to her and her things, as I’d forgotten to use a coaster some days before. OK. I can work on that. But then she asks me “Do you think that you’re better than me?”

Whoa. Shock. Pain. Hurt. Confusion.

Ummm… Mother Dearest: how is this possible? I have no job. You make more money than I do. Just in case you didn’t know that.

But no… she informs me that as I know and she knows that I will be successful, do I disrespect her things because they aren’t super expensive or designer, etc. as I expect and know I will have in my own home?

OMG!

No.

Why would I think that I’m better than the woman who exposed me to the life that I want?

That made me feel horrible. I don’t think that I’m better than anybody. I don’t understand how she could think that. I’ve never felt that way about anybody let alone with my own mother. And I haven’t even gotten to where I’m going and she’s already accusing me of such things.

Huh. I don’t get it. I’m hurt. But you know what I will work on myself. I will work so it’s impossible for someone to accuse me of such things. I’m going to work on getting these insides into shape.

So here’s how I’m going to start: I have this list of the characteristics of God and I’m going to express that attribute for the day. Sounds good? OK.

Yesterdays attribute was being mighty.

Today’s attribute is being a protector.

pro·tec·tor

[pruh-tek-ter]  

noun

a person or thing that protects; defender; guardian.

So today protect your morals, values, etc. Protect yourself from negativity, and maybe even protect someone else from these things as well.

Start working on them insides people. Getting that heart and soul into shape. I am.

Kisses!

-M.

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