The Art Of Being a Freshman

As I am writing this post note that I am forcing back tears because my parents just literally walked out of the door. Also, I have to stay awake until 10:30 PM to catch this bus going to Target.

Huh.

What they don’t tell you about college is all the emotions.

I’m sad because my Mom just walked out of the door and I now have to figure things out on my own. Even though I know this is the school for me, I just don’t know how I’ll figure this out. And because no matter how many rugs or decorative pieces I throw in this room, this will never be home.

I’m happy because there’s this level of “independence.” Something that as an only child, and a student at a really small high school  where everyone was breathing down your neck I’ve never really experienced.

I’m nervous because this is a new town and I’m young to be in college and this is kind of scary.

I’m jealous because I’ve seen people walking and talking to people like they’re friends and I haven’t befriended a single sole- yet. And because my roommate is really calm right now when I’m forcing back tears.

But there’s this little voice in me that’s saying “Maryam you’ll be OK. You can totally do this. This the school for you. Something feels right.”

And I’m sure that voice is right, but right now I’m doubtful. And so scared.

So I don’t know what the point of this post was. I don’t know if it was to vent or to scare the hell out of you or to potentially scare the hell put of myself.

But I can do this. Right? Those knots aren’t doubt, they’re just nervousness and little fear. I’ll be OK.

I hope.

Kisses!

-M.

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