Tag Archives: college

The Art Of Being a Freshman

As I am writing this post note that I am forcing back tears because my parents just literally walked out of the door. Also, I have to stay awake until 10:30 PM to catch this bus going to Target.


What they don’t tell you about college is all the emotions.

I’m sad because my Mom just walked out of the door and I now have to figure things out on my own. Even though I know this is the school for me, I just don’t know how I’ll figure this out. And because no matter how many rugs or decorative pieces I throw in this room, this will never be home.

I’m happy because there’s this level of “independence.” Something that as an only child, and a student at a really small high school  where everyone was breathing down your neck I’ve never really experienced.

I’m nervous because this is a new town and I’m young to be in college and this is kind of scary.

I’m jealous because I’ve seen people walking and talking to people like they’re friends and I haven’t befriended a single sole- yet. And because my roommate is really calm right now when I’m forcing back tears.

But there’s this little voice in me that’s saying “Maryam you’ll be OK. You can totally do this. This the school for you. Something feels right.”

And I’m sure that voice is right, but right now I’m doubtful. And so scared.

So I don’t know what the point of this post was. I don’t know if it was to vent or to scare the hell out of you or to potentially scare the hell put of myself.

But I can do this. Right? Those knots aren’t doubt, they’re just nervousness and little fear. I’ll be OK.

I hope.



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OMG. This. Is. Really. Happening.

So today I got a text message… from my roommate at the college I’m going to attend!!!

I was so excited that I screamed and jumped like it wasn’t an eighteen-year-old girl texting me, but like it was Barbara Streisand, .


Because it’s conformation people! This is really happening! I am really going away to college… and its one of the best design schools ever.

So here are the deets:

Her name is Shelby and she’s from Houston Texas and her major is photography. I’ve looked her up on Facebook and she’s like this Caucasian girl with natural strawberry- blonde hair. She seems to be a tee-shirt and jeans kind of girl- which is completely unlike me. But who cares? She seems kind of nice. Who knows? I hope that we can become friends and not just roommates. And even though I was hoping for my own  Larissa Loughlin from the Carrie Diaries, British accent and all, I’d love to room with a Texas gyrl! She could share my love of horses… I don’t discriminate. I just hope that if she’s a redneck that she’s an open-minded redneck. I imagine she’ll choke when she finds out I’m a vegetarian…



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Thoughts… while watching this girl…

Thoughts while watching this girl brush her teeth in the public restroom at the college I attend…

Wait… What’s happening?

Are you serious?

Really. What is happening?!!!

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Me no habla espanol…

So today was the last day of both my classes in college. Yay! I’m so friggin’ happy. I have an A in Art and I have an A , and the highest score of all the students in any of my teacher’s classes, in English. Talented and smart. Mmmm… I’m just fabulous. Anyways, next semester I’m supposed to take a math class and a Spanish class. I’ve always wanted to learn Spanish as I am part Puerto Rican.

Now, the colleges want you take a placement test to take a language class, which I understand if you’re trying to get into Spanish 102, but not for 101. I mean I know absolutely no don’t know that much Spanish- that’s why I’m taking the class! So today I took the placement test and completely failed. I just randomly chose answers. I expected them to ask me how do you say good morning or ask for the names of colors. Not so, says the test maker. They decided that they would ask the questions in Spanish. Ugghh… I did horribly. I mean for the first time in my life I did genuinely horrible on a test. And you want to know how long it took me to complete this test? Two minutes. God. I just wanted to burst out laughing when I walked out of the testing area. I had to print my results and I just knew the man who retrieved the results was like “Damn.”

Pray for me. Pray that Spanish and I mix wonderfully and I do muy bien in this class. (See… I know a little something, something)

But overall, me no habla espanol, y’all. Me no habla espanol…




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Things will be O.K. Change is good. Progress is necessary.

Moving on can be scary.

I remember when I was in 6th grade. I was a really good student and always went above and beyond for assignments, especially projects (and I’m pretty sure I had no life) and I’d been offered a promotion- to move from sixth grade to seventh sometime around halfway through the year. I was not excited at all. I was scared to death. Of course I knew the people who were in the seventh grade, but I had no friends in the seventh grade. Would the work be really hard? What would my “friends” think of my promotion? Would I lose them? These were all of the thoughts swirling through my head when I was thinking about the possibility of promotion. I wanted to say no. I was comfortable where I was, I was good where I was. But my mother had other ideas. This was a chance for me to move on up. I was a good student and I’d worked hard. I deserved this promotion. That’s what she said. What she really meant was “You’re going to take this promotion.” I never wanted to take the promotion. Of course it shook my classmates a little bit (I really don’t even remember if I had real friends in sixth grade. I’ve come a long way from where I was then). I think they wondered why I got the promotion and they didn’t. I don’t know if they were envious or jealous. I remember on one of my projects, I’d forgotten that Earth has a moon and they were quick to point it out. I remember some of them saying ” you aren’t graduating with us,” and sometimes it wasn’t out of sadness or missing me or wanting me to participate in graduating with them as we’d thought I would be. I don’t know if any of them were ever happy for me. But I was happier after I’d done it. I’ve always been a little more mature for my age, so I fit in. I got new friends (and one of them is one of my closest and my fabulous partner in shopping) and started carrying purses (the re- sparking of the fabulous in me). I think I got a little bit of confidence, too. And I’m glad I shaved off that extra year of high school. It was the scariest thing for me believe it or not, to leave 6th grade, but I’m so happy I made this decision this decision was made for me and I accepted it. It was good for me.

And now I’m about to go to college.

I’m doing something called “dual enrollment” where I’m taking classes at a community college while in high school. I go to my high school one  day a week. I’d never feel like a stranger in my high school or like a didn’t belong, but I do feel like I’m ready to move on. And then I talk to my friends and there’s a lot more going on at that school than meets the eye, and I feel like things are different. And they are. I’m going to go away to college soon and my some of my other friends will still be there in high school. That’s scary as hell. I’m leaving people that I’ve not only grown up with, but have known for years and they know me, and I’ve grown to love these people. And I’m leaving them for a new beginning. In the hopes that I’ll make new friends, learn more about the field that I love, expand my mind, create a new or better me, do some kind of soul searching, and begin the life that I want. It’s like I’m holding on to the piece of a rope in one hand and that rope is something that I’ve been holding onto for so long but now I’m reaching for this new rope, the one that I’ve been waiting for, the one that’ll take me to a new place, and it’s scary to wonder if I’ll let go of that other rope. And I think it’s scary for my friends too. I know it was a  little scary for me to watch my older friends go off to college. But you know what? I have faith. I believe in a little bit of magic. I know that I’ll make friends in college. I believe in the career path that I’ve chosen and that chose me. I believe in myself. I believe in God. I have faith that when I make this jump and I take this leap, even though I’ll be far away from home, that I’ll  find some solid ground and learn how to fly. I believe. I’m a little scared. I’m a little worried, but I have faith that everything will be okay. I, and we, have to know that things will be alright and that change is good and that progress is necessary.

Live your life. Progress, don’t be scared. Moving on- no, moving forward- can be a beautiful thing.



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Making decisions… and other things…

Deciding on a college is hard.

I’ve been accepted into five out of the six colleges that I’ve applied to. Every single one of the schools that I’ve been accepted to have good interior design programs. Two of them are in Chicago, downtown. Another  is in Michigan, Georgia, and then New York. I want to leave to go away to college because I feel like I’ll have more opportunity to grow and “find myself” and just be free (without parents breathing down my neck). And the colleges that are out of state are offering more money. And two of the colleges that are out of state have more acclaimed interior design programs and have been recognized as having both number one undergraduate and graduate programs. But I want seasons. I want to be able to wear my gorgeous faux fur coat and my new Guess coat. I don’t like the cold, but I love being able to change my wardrobe from ready for the winters to ready for the rays. In addition, I plan to pursue a fashion career in about a decade or so and I want to be able to go back to the school that I attended for interior design. One of the colleges doesn’t have a fashion major.

And then it’s like… I want to go to New York, but New York has high crime rates, but then again it’s such a fabulous city. You could meet anyone in New York and it could change your life (And I’m watching the Carrie Diaries, and you know how much I love Carrie Bradshaw, and she’s making me fall in love with New York all over again). On the other hand with the college in Georgia, I have family that’s four to six hours hours away which is closer to family than I’d be in New York (I do have a cousin who’s a fashion designer and lives in the city of the school I’ve been accepted to, but he’s sort of stranded from my family), I’ve been told it’s a beautiful campus and in a beautiful city, they have a ginormous fashion show and film festival that designers and celebrities attend, and I’ve just been informed that they do have designer stores down there (now all I have to figure out is how far is the best dry cleaners, find a good beautician, and a Whole Foods). And then yesterday I went to a reception for accepted students and they fed me good falafel and I drank sparkling water and Vitamin Water. Do you know how hard it is to go to events that have good vegetarian options? And I love sparkling water and Vitamin Water. And I got to meet other students and staff members  and I found out that they have an equestrian team (and I so love horses) and that majority of their meal plan is geared towards vegetarians and vegans (I’m a vegetarian). Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…. this is hard. Mentally I’m being pulled in multiple directions. Huhhh…. and I still haven’t gotten the envelope from the school in New York telling me how much money their going to offer nor have I visited the campuses that are out of state (even though I plan to). Ugh, God. These young adult decisions, I’ll tell you they’re a pain in the buns. But I know I’m going to make the right decision for me. I’m going to give myself a deadline to make the decision and then I just may post it on this blog.

Tell me about having to make your own tough decisions. And give me advice and tips on how you narrowed down and picked your own college. Let me know in the comments, I’d really appreciate it.



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College Rejection (or the lack thereof)…

Okay, so today I got a letter from the first college I’d ever had my heart set on: Parsons The New School For Design.

When I first found out that Parsons was the school that Project Runway was filmed at and the fact that it was in New York City convinced me that I had to attend this school. Why? Because it seemed fabulous… Now, I want to be an interior designer before I become a fashion designer just because interior design was my first love. I was always this insecure little girl so to dress fashionable just seemed out of the question- so I discovered my passion for interior decorating before my love for fashion. In my search for the top interior design programs in the country, Parsons was not on the list. So I began to apply to other schools with better and more prestigious B.F.A. interior design programs (and have been accepted), and I’d neglected my plans to apply to Parsons because I’d decided I only wanted the best in my college education. But in the end I ended up applying- later than I should have- because I reminded myself that even though I no longer had my heart set on that school and it wasn’t number one in my field, it still was the first school that ever really fell in love with. So I applied… and today I found out that although I haven’t been rejected, because the competition to get into Parsons is so competitive that they aren’t even in a position to make an admissions decision or admissions offer to me. That sucks. I can’t even place my feelings- I knew I wasn’t going to Parsons but still the fact that I haven’t been accepted (or rejected)- its like I don’t know what to feel. I feel kind of looked over or unappreciated. I don’t know… But I know that one day I’m going to accomplish my dreams and be hot stuff and they will regret making this decision… or in this case not making one.

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