Tag Archives: Education

The Art Of Being a Freshman

As I am writing this post note that I am forcing back tears because my parents just literally walked out of the door. Also, I have to stay awake until 10:30 PM to catch this bus going to Target.

Huh.

What they don’t tell you about college is all the emotions.

I’m sad because my Mom just walked out of the door and I now have to figure things out on my own. Even though I know this is the school for me, I just don’t know how I’ll figure this out. And because no matter how many rugs or decorative pieces I throw in this room, this will never be home.

I’m happy because there’s this level of “independence.” Something that as an only child, and a student at a really small high school  where everyone was breathing down your neck I’ve never really experienced.

I’m nervous because this is a new town and I’m young to be in college and this is kind of scary.

I’m jealous because I’ve seen people walking and talking to people like they’re friends and I haven’t befriended a single sole- yet. And because my roommate is really calm right now when I’m forcing back tears.

But there’s this little voice in me that’s saying “Maryam you’ll be OK. You can totally do this. This the school for you. Something feels right.”

And I’m sure that voice is right, but right now I’m doubtful. And so scared.

So I don’t know what the point of this post was. I don’t know if it was to vent or to scare the hell out of you or to potentially scare the hell put of myself.

But I can do this. Right? Those knots aren’t doubt, they’re just nervousness and little fear. I’ll be OK.

I hope.

Kisses!

-M.

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Things will be O.K. Change is good. Progress is necessary.

Moving on can be scary.

I remember when I was in 6th grade. I was a really good student and always went above and beyond for assignments, especially projects (and I’m pretty sure I had no life) and I’d been offered a promotion- to move from sixth grade to seventh sometime around halfway through the year. I was not excited at all. I was scared to death. Of course I knew the people who were in the seventh grade, but I had no friends in the seventh grade. Would the work be really hard? What would my “friends” think of my promotion? Would I lose them? These were all of the thoughts swirling through my head when I was thinking about the possibility of promotion. I wanted to say no. I was comfortable where I was, I was good where I was. But my mother had other ideas. This was a chance for me to move on up. I was a good student and I’d worked hard. I deserved this promotion. That’s what she said. What she really meant was “You’re going to take this promotion.” I never wanted to take the promotion. Of course it shook my classmates a little bit (I really don’t even remember if I had real friends in sixth grade. I’ve come a long way from where I was then). I think they wondered why I got the promotion and they didn’t. I don’t know if they were envious or jealous. I remember on one of my projects, I’d forgotten that Earth has a moon and they were quick to point it out. I remember some of them saying ” you aren’t graduating with us,” and sometimes it wasn’t out of sadness or missing me or wanting me to participate in graduating with them as we’d thought I would be. I don’t know if any of them were ever happy for me. But I was happier after I’d done it. I’ve always been a little more mature for my age, so I fit in. I got new friends (and one of them is one of my closest and my fabulous partner in shopping) and started carrying purses (the re- sparking of the fabulous in me). I think I got a little bit of confidence, too. And I’m glad I shaved off that extra year of high school. It was the scariest thing for me believe it or not, to leave 6th grade, but I’m so happy I made this decision this decision was made for me and I accepted it. It was good for me.

And now I’m about to go to college.

I’m doing something called “dual enrollment” where I’m taking classes at a community college while in high school. I go to my high school one  day a week. I’d never feel like a stranger in my high school or like a didn’t belong, but I do feel like I’m ready to move on. And then I talk to my friends and there’s a lot more going on at that school than meets the eye, and I feel like things are different. And they are. I’m going to go away to college soon and my some of my other friends will still be there in high school. That’s scary as hell. I’m leaving people that I’ve not only grown up with, but have known for years and they know me, and I’ve grown to love these people. And I’m leaving them for a new beginning. In the hopes that I’ll make new friends, learn more about the field that I love, expand my mind, create a new or better me, do some kind of soul searching, and begin the life that I want. It’s like I’m holding on to the piece of a rope in one hand and that rope is something that I’ve been holding onto for so long but now I’m reaching for this new rope, the one that I’ve been waiting for, the one that’ll take me to a new place, and it’s scary to wonder if I’ll let go of that other rope. And I think it’s scary for my friends too. I know it was a  little scary for me to watch my older friends go off to college. But you know what? I have faith. I believe in a little bit of magic. I know that I’ll make friends in college. I believe in the career path that I’ve chosen and that chose me. I believe in myself. I believe in God. I have faith that when I make this jump and I take this leap, even though I’ll be far away from home, that I’ll  find some solid ground and learn how to fly. I believe. I’m a little scared. I’m a little worried, but I have faith that everything will be okay. I, and we, have to know that things will be alright and that change is good and that progress is necessary.

Live your life. Progress, don’t be scared. Moving on- no, moving forward- can be a beautiful thing.

Kisses!

-M.

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Have you ever had a really weird, pervy statement made to you?

All my beautiful ladies out there… have you ever had a really weird, pervy statement made to you?

Today this man asked me was I this other man’s daughter. And the man responded with “Daughter…  how about girlfriend?” Now you might think, hey that’s kind of unasked for, but not weird. Get this. This man is like fifty. Now I’m way younger than 50. Give or take thirty or so years. And he has children, he’s on crutches, and he’s a little eccentric. He blinks way more than the average person and this is about his third time saying something really weird. But this particular incident freaked me out so much that I couldn’t concentrate during my tutoring session today. It didn’t help that in English today we watched a documentary about the journey of these women and men trying to get justice from the courts for the times that they’d been raped and molested by priests. So overall, to the man who said that: NEVER. EVER. EVER. You have freaked me out and I never want to speak to you again. Congratulations, you have really weird-ed me out. Thanks to you and that documentary from earlier today, for my entire math tutoring session I felt like this:

GIRL

So how many of you beautiful ladies have had an awkward or weird conversation with a man or have had some awkward comment made towards you? Let me know… we can be totally weird- ed out together…

Kisses!

-M.

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