Tag Archives: High school

The Art Of Being a Freshman

As I am writing this post note that I am forcing back tears because my parents just literally walked out of the door. Also, I have to stay awake until 10:30 PM to catch this bus going to Target.

Huh.

What they don’t tell you about college is all the emotions.

I’m sad because my Mom just walked out of the door and I now have to figure things out on my own. Even though I know this is the school for me, I just don’t know how I’ll figure this out. And because no matter how many rugs or decorative pieces I throw in this room, this will never be home.

I’m happy because there’s this level of “independence.” Something that as an only child, and a student at a really small high school  where everyone was breathing down your neck I’ve never really experienced.

I’m nervous because this is a new town and I’m young to be in college and this is kind of scary.

I’m jealous because I’ve seen people walking and talking to people like they’re friends and I haven’t befriended a single sole- yet. And because my roommate is really calm right now when I’m forcing back tears.

But there’s this little voice in me that’s saying “Maryam you’ll be OK. You can totally do this. This the school for you. Something feels right.”

And I’m sure that voice is right, but right now I’m doubtful. And so scared.

So I don’t know what the point of this post was. I don’t know if it was to vent or to scare the hell out of you or to potentially scare the hell put of myself.

But I can do this. Right? Those knots aren’t doubt, they’re just nervousness and little fear. I’ll be OK.

I hope.

Kisses!

-M.

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You never know you’re loved… until goodbye.

Hello, loves!

I’ve missed you! Have you missed me?

Gosh it’s been so longed since I’ve posted.

It’s a shame.

But between packing for school, working, and just overall being busy I haven’t really had the time- or the inspiration- until now.

Today was my supposed “trunk party.”

A party planned like a week before it was supposed to happen, that I really didn’t even think was going to happen, and a party that the invites were sent by text message as we pulled to the side of the road. But I’m so glad I had one now. I kept it small- only around twenty people were invited just a few friends that I’ve known forever and family.

And you know? I don’t know if I’ve ever felt so loved by so many people at the same time. I know I’m loved. I know I’m liked, but I mean so many people were genuinely sad to see me go. And it’s a little surprising. See, my last year of high school I had all of my credits and I didn’t come to high school that often because I was taking college classes. I kind of felt a little left out. Like there were jokes I wasn’t getting, events I wasn’t being invited to, and overall like I was missing out. It was weird because I’d been going to the same school with the same people since preschool- and to not have that shared experience anymore- I felt kind of bad. I was missing out on complaining about homework, teachers and lunch with the people who’d I’d been doing it with for so long. And then I feel like certain friends have developed stronger friendships with one another than the ones that I have with those individuals. So you forget that you’ll be missed. You forget that you’re loved, and liked, and admired.

I call it “unverified love.” You think you know it, but it’s never really been said or felt strong enough. And now it’s been verified that I’m loved. And I appreciate that. It’s such a shame though that we never really show emotion until we have to say goodbye. Until someone goes to college, moves, or God forbid… passes on. Have you ever noticed how funerals can really bring people together? It’s so sad. We take one another for granted so much- myself included.

So today? Tell somebody you love them, or you miss them, or you want to be with them, or do something nice to express that. Because you never know when you’ll be forced to say goodbye.

Kisses!

-M.

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Metamorphosis, Miscellaneous is getting all kinds of political…

I’m so happy that this semester is almost over! Thank God!

We all know that America is about 17 trillion dollars in debt, right? Well she continues to hand out loans (93% of loans to be exact) that add up to about one trillion dollars. Unlike any other loans, student loans are very easy to get because most students, when they’re coming out of high school, are unemployed and have never taken out a loan before and have no credit history. So how can the government decide whether or not you’ll pay back your loans? For my final exam in English I had to write an essay about whether or not I support the government evaluating the size of the loan they give you based upon your g.p.a. in high school, your major, and the ranking of the college you plan to attend which they think should determine whether or not you’ll be employed, how much money you’ll make, etc. Using this assessment, someone with STEM major (science technology engineering mathematics) at MIT would have a higher scoring evaluation and receive a bigger loan compared to someone with a religious studies major at a lesser ranked school. I wrote about how I didn’t support this and how it was unfair, because those factors don’t necessarily dictate your success. And what about all of us creative people? We’re supposed to be bums on the street?! I also wrote about how subliminally, the government is trying to control our lives and the career paths that we take with this suggested evaluation. It almost forces you to choose fields related to and involving math, science, etc. to receive funding for your education. You should be able to choose your own destiny and what you want to do. You should make your own choices, be OK with your actions, because it’s your life and you should live it your way with no regrets. If you make mistakes, it is your mistake to make.

How do you feel about this? Do you have any better suggestions when it comes to the government handing out student loans in the face of this economic crisis? Metamorphosis, Miscellaneous is getting all kinds of political here and I want your opinion! Let me know.

Kisses!

-M.

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Things will be O.K. Change is good. Progress is necessary.

Moving on can be scary.

I remember when I was in 6th grade. I was a really good student and always went above and beyond for assignments, especially projects (and I’m pretty sure I had no life) and I’d been offered a promotion- to move from sixth grade to seventh sometime around halfway through the year. I was not excited at all. I was scared to death. Of course I knew the people who were in the seventh grade, but I had no friends in the seventh grade. Would the work be really hard? What would my “friends” think of my promotion? Would I lose them? These were all of the thoughts swirling through my head when I was thinking about the possibility of promotion. I wanted to say no. I was comfortable where I was, I was good where I was. But my mother had other ideas. This was a chance for me to move on up. I was a good student and I’d worked hard. I deserved this promotion. That’s what she said. What she really meant was “You’re going to take this promotion.” I never wanted to take the promotion. Of course it shook my classmates a little bit (I really don’t even remember if I had real friends in sixth grade. I’ve come a long way from where I was then). I think they wondered why I got the promotion and they didn’t. I don’t know if they were envious or jealous. I remember on one of my projects, I’d forgotten that Earth has a moon and they were quick to point it out. I remember some of them saying ” you aren’t graduating with us,” and sometimes it wasn’t out of sadness or missing me or wanting me to participate in graduating with them as we’d thought I would be. I don’t know if any of them were ever happy for me. But I was happier after I’d done it. I’ve always been a little more mature for my age, so I fit in. I got new friends (and one of them is one of my closest and my fabulous partner in shopping) and started carrying purses (the re- sparking of the fabulous in me). I think I got a little bit of confidence, too. And I’m glad I shaved off that extra year of high school. It was the scariest thing for me believe it or not, to leave 6th grade, but I’m so happy I made this decision this decision was made for me and I accepted it. It was good for me.

And now I’m about to go to college.

I’m doing something called “dual enrollment” where I’m taking classes at a community college while in high school. I go to my high school one  day a week. I’d never feel like a stranger in my high school or like a didn’t belong, but I do feel like I’m ready to move on. And then I talk to my friends and there’s a lot more going on at that school than meets the eye, and I feel like things are different. And they are. I’m going to go away to college soon and my some of my other friends will still be there in high school. That’s scary as hell. I’m leaving people that I’ve not only grown up with, but have known for years and they know me, and I’ve grown to love these people. And I’m leaving them for a new beginning. In the hopes that I’ll make new friends, learn more about the field that I love, expand my mind, create a new or better me, do some kind of soul searching, and begin the life that I want. It’s like I’m holding on to the piece of a rope in one hand and that rope is something that I’ve been holding onto for so long but now I’m reaching for this new rope, the one that I’ve been waiting for, the one that’ll take me to a new place, and it’s scary to wonder if I’ll let go of that other rope. And I think it’s scary for my friends too. I know it was a  little scary for me to watch my older friends go off to college. But you know what? I have faith. I believe in a little bit of magic. I know that I’ll make friends in college. I believe in the career path that I’ve chosen and that chose me. I believe in myself. I believe in God. I have faith that when I make this jump and I take this leap, even though I’ll be far away from home, that I’ll  find some solid ground and learn how to fly. I believe. I’m a little scared. I’m a little worried, but I have faith that everything will be okay. I, and we, have to know that things will be alright and that change is good and that progress is necessary.

Live your life. Progress, don’t be scared. Moving on- no, moving forward- can be a beautiful thing.

Kisses!

-M.

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